a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
