now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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