there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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