Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
