I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
