its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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