I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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