Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
