The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
