Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
