I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
