Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
