i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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