Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
