Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
