another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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