omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
