you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
