no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
