I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
