he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
