Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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