This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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