i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still dying that you shit outside
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
