Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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