Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
