This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
