Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
