I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
