dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
