An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize