the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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