it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
