my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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