Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
