Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Life is so much better after having sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
