sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
