Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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