i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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