The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
