You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
