so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You made out with two different species that night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
