Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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