While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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