ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
