So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
did you just send me my own nude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
