Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just gift wrapped bread.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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