Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
