these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
