halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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