I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I looked at my own cervix.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
