First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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