if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
