I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's blow job season.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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