A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
