Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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