I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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