I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
