I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
