before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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