Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
