Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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