i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
