do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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