I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
